How to Fix Your Relationship When You've Lost Your Feelings - Expert Recommended Tips

 

How to Fix Your Relationship When You've Lost Your Feelings - Expert Recommended Tips

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Relationships are a repeated dance of ebbs and flows. This predictability is mostly comforting. Because I know that each fight will be followed by a long period of love and understanding. But what if there is no fighting? What happens when there is silence and distance and there is no emotion left in the relationship? So what should we do? How to fix a relationship when you've lost your feelings?

You might have wondered too.

• Why do I feel like I'm not in love anymore?
• Is it normal to lose feelings for your partner?
• Can lost feelings come back?
• How do you save a failed relationship?

The book , which explores “the lived experience of falling out of romantic love,” says that “the gradual decline of a relationship initially resulted from a set of subtle, almost imperceptible changes in the relationship.” As these factors grow, they ultimately become a massively destructive experience that depletes romantic love.”

We receive help from counseling psychologists and researchers. Megha Gurnani (MS Clinical Psychology, UK) is currently pursuing her second Masters in Organizational Psychology in the US, specializing in relationships, parenting and mental health, and she is answering the questions above. She Mega is here to offer some tips on how to save a struggling relationship.

What Causes Loss of Emotion in a Relationship?

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According to the study mentioned above, “Criticism, frequent arguments, jealousy, and envy are some of the causes of the breakdown of a relationship with a spouse. Financial stress , incompatible beliefs, control, abuse, loss of trust, lack of intimacy, emotional distress, negative self-perception, contempt, feeling unloved, fear, infidelity.”

Loss of emotion in a relationship rarely happens suddenly. This brews over time as partners ignore red flags and the health of the relationship takes a backseat. “When people are dissatisfied or repeatedly disappointed, they start to lose interest,” says Megha, pointing out the main reason. “Repeatedly” is the key word here.

“When you have too many negative experiences in a row, you start to lose your emotions and it becomes difficult to have faith,” she adds. When you're repeatedly rejected and taken for granted by your partner, it's understandable why you might feel emotionally withdrawn and disconnected.

Another reason people lose interest in a relationship is when they realize there is a major conflict in their values. Likewise, if future goals and paths differ significantly, a person may begin to feel lost in the relationship and gradually become disconnected.

But the important thing to note here is that all relationships go through phases where they become more relaxed and less passionate than before. Megha advises her not to make mistakes. The end of the honeymoon as your relationship withers. “Even if the heightened emotional levels you experience at the beginning of a relationship taper off as life goes on, it doesn’t mean you’ve started to lose them,” she says.

Related reading:  Why is my husband ignoring me so much? 10 Reasons and Tips to Avoid

How do you know if you're losing feelings for someone?

Feelings of emotional detachment can manifest themselves in ways that are easy for you to recognize. Megaa advises checking to see if you're starting to see the following: Signs that you or your partner are losing interest in your relationship:

1. You feel like you no longer trust your partner.

These are some of the responses from participants who shared their experience of 'love falling apart' in the study mentioned earlier in this article.

• “The loss of trust undermined everything. If I can’t trust you, I don’t want to have that relationship with you.”
• “Now I question everything”
• “(Without romantic love) you may feel comfortable just being together, but there is no trust. Trust is usually gone by that point.”

Loss of trust can happen in one of two ways. A. It's like an exquisite porcelain vase thrown on the ground. B. It's like a small crack in your car's windshield that you've been ignoring for months and been driving against, enduring adverse winds. As the days passed it grew into a full-blown crack until it broke completely.

Think of the first incident as a harsh and traumatic one. Partner's affair . And the second is the countless small promises that your partner breaks by not showing up on time, not following up on an apology, or keeping a promise. It's natural for you to feel like you can no longer rely on them, causing you to withdraw.

Related reading:  How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect you or your feelings

2. You feel like you have to filter your thoughts

Do you feel like you have to constantly filter what you say to them? You can't open up to them about what you're thinking and feeling? Is there a loss of harmony in how you think, speak, and act in your relationship?

Either you and your partner haven't developed a non-judgmental and honest communication channel, or you've given your partner reason to fear what you think. How do we connect emotionally when our communication channels are disrupted?

If you're wondering how to fix a relationship when emotions are running high, remember: Lack of open communication Partnership-based corruption will continue to surface in a number of ways.

3. You feel uncomfortable with intimacy with your partner.

　 Study The experience of losing feelings for a partner mentioned above is described as “feeling like falling off a cliff.” If you fall, you have no control and no way to stop. The most important moment to know is when a person hits the ground and stops suddenly. “When I hit it, I feel like I’m breaking and falling apart.” This is followed by “something empty, empty, and broken.”

If your partner is not tuned to the same note, what comes out is noise, not music. Because you are emotionally distant from your partner, it can be difficult to connect with them both physically and mentally.

“Communications between disconnected partners are often superficial,” says Megha. You're going through a dry period in your relationship, or moments of physical intimacy feel intrusive or unwanted. Intellectual intimacy combined with mental loss , you find it difficult to open your heart.

4. I feel anxious when I’m with that person.

With a partner who feels separate, you two are no longer a company but a crowd. It's hard to share the same space, and I'm constantly trying to adjust my schedule so I don't hang out with them as much.

The two have nothing to share and no plans to look forward to. Your partner may not be consciously trying to make your life miserable, but if there is an emotional disconnect, the mood at home will generally take a turn for the worse. As the Chinese proverb goes, “With like-minded friends, a thousand toasts are too few. “In a bad company, one more word seems like too much.”

If you start to become insensitive to your partner, your relationship may need outside intervention.

5. Other than that, I don’t feel much.

“Even if you are angry at your partner for disappointing you, there are still feelings in the relationship. However, if you repeatedly communicate your needs but your partner does not show an effort to resolve the issue, you reach a stage where you feel nothing,” says Megah.

Even if you are embarrassed, your behavior toward them may border on emotional abuse and you may not be able to break away from it. Emotional effects of stone walls . If you are so disappointed that you become numb to your partner, you know that something is seriously wrong and that your dying relationship requires immediate intervention.

13 tips to regain lost feelings and restore relationships

Psychologists are invariably impressed by the role of “repair” in relationships. In his book The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman states that both partners in a relationship are emotionally available only 9% of the time. This suggests that in some way we are all prepared to fail. However, many partnerships are succeeding. This means that disconnection is not as important as using that information in deciding the future of the relationship.

Even if there has been a loss of feelings between you and your partner, all is not lost. If you recognize the signs that something is wrong, you've already taken the first step toward repairing your relationship. Read ahead for expert advice on what to do. Bringing vitality back to broken relationships .

1. Reflect on your feelings

When asked how to fix a relationship when you've lost feelings for your partner, Megha recommends patience. “Don’t act impulsively or jump to desperate conclusions. “Sit down and think about whether your emotional loss is temporary, a phase, or something much longer,” she says. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to rule out false alarms:

• Do I feel like the honeymoon stage is over?
• Am I feeling discouraged by my new routine?
• Can you place this feeling at some point in your past? Was there a shocking incident?
• Do I feel disconnected from other relationships or work?

2. Look back at your past for an objective analysis of your relationship.

Megha advises looking back at the good times to avoid losing perspective on the extent of the damage. In difficult times, people tend to forget the good times and take a downward spiral. “It wasn’t always like this” can be a clue that helps you find the cause of the problem. She will also be in a better state of mind to deal with problems.

Objectivity is important in conflict management. This in-depth academic study published in the Journal of Family Psychology on the effects of attributions (attributing causes to effects) on marital conflict found that couples who generalized instead of personalizing what went wrong were happier in their relationships. It tends to break down. Pursuing objectivity can help you find the real cause of the problem.

3. Talk to people who know both of you to get an outsider's perspective.

Another thing you can do to find objectivity is to talk to people who know you and your partner and have observed your relationship closely. “Sometimes when we’re in a situation that’s so deep and long, it becomes harder to be objective,” Megha says.

A good person to watch out for, an outsider can help you figure out if your partner has other commitments to take care of or if they've become distant because of something they're going through. Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety that can be helpful in approaching them sensitively.

But Megha made it clear: “I am not preaching.” Toxic Positivity If there is nothing good here, it forces you to find the good. The idea is to be objective so you can realistically see where the relationship is.”

4. Talk to your partner

Have a conversation. “There are many layers to romantic feelings,” says Megha. Tell them whatever it is you are not feeling. If you don't feel sexually attracted or cared for, tell them. If you feel like you are not a priority in their life, tell them.” If you're thinking to yourself, "What do you do when someone loses feelings for you?", we'd ask you to do the same - talk to your partner about it.

But Megha suggests using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’. So instead of starting with, “You’re pushing me away,” try saying, “I felt like I was pulling away.” she added. “You don’t want to overindulge. When looking for a blame-shifting solution, start an argument. “Accept your feelings and talk about them.”

5. Revisit the things that once connected you

“As a couple, you may have done things in the past that brought you closer. Take another chance,” says Megah. Think about dates you've gone on over and over again. Did you like going to the drive-thru movies or did you like going to the theater? Fun routines, songs, activities, anything that makes you feel at home with your partner are worth doing again.

This also alleviates relationship boredom . This exhaustive research study, ‘Marital Boredom Predicts Declining Satisfaction Nine Years Now,’ published in Psychological Science, shows that today’s boredom is directly linked to tomorrow’s dissatisfaction in romantic partnerships. This appears to be because “boredom weakens intimacy, which in turn weakens satisfaction.” You can also try something new to rekindle the spark.

Bono Asks

Is it normal to get bored in a relationship?

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no

6. Keep communication open

Can lost feelings come back? they can Once you've had the "talk," commit to keeping the lines of communication open. This is the part where you do the actual groundwork. Only through this effort can you be sure how invested you and your partner are in the process.

Do the following:

• Promise each other a safe space to talk about your feelings.
• Please show acceptance of each other's ideas. How to build a good relationship
• Don't build stone walls or block each other out.
• Don't ignore each other's feelings. Let the other person speak

7. Be accountable to yourself and to each other.

To allow for real change, you have to be sincere and do your best to make things work. This means accepting your share of responsibility. Your partner will have his or her own story that you must acknowledge and be ready to hear, so you can commit to change.

Since you've already acknowledged that you've been losing romantic feelings for your partner, that may be reflected in your behavior. Have you been stonewalling your partner, ignoring them, belittling them, nagging them, defending them, blaming them? Relationship responsibility is most important because it allows you to recognize your own behavior and make changes.

At the same time, give yourself permission to hold each other accountable. Set goals together and gently let your partner know when he or she is straying from the path. Please be patient and supportive throughout the process.

8. Practice gratitude and appreciation.

Count your blessings. Positive psychology research emphasizes gratitude and understanding. Consider This The study concluded that “(…) gratitude tendencies are significantly related to one’s own gratitude mood and one’s partner’s gratitude mood, and both predict marital satisfaction.”

Writing down what you are grateful for can help you feel better. The study found that “just thinking about gratitude through keeping a personal gratitude journal appeared to be sufficient to induce the desired effect on marital satisfaction.”

Start with a gratitude list. It may not feel natural or easy at first, but try it like a bitter pill. To make it easier, keep your list general before making it more specific to your relationship. This will make it easier to truly appreciate the things in your life, the things you can praise about your partner. Your gratitude will come out sincere because you are in a grateful state of mind.

9. Be willing to compromise

Even with the best intentions, your partner may not be able to fix everything he or she is responsible for. Some compromises may be necessary. And they should too. Think of compromise as a way to respect your partner's feelings, not as an unfortunate sacrifice.

This means you have your emotional boundaries trampled. But you have to be willing to find that balance. What do you want to hold on to for your own happiness, and what are you willing to let go of for the sake of your partner's happiness? Think.

10. Stay away from mind games

Making disparaging comments, testing your partner's sincerity, monitoring their shortcomings, waiting for them to make a mistake, and beating around the bush are all terrible ideas. If you don't want your relationship to fail, why would you want it to fail just to prove yourself right?

Be honest about your intentions. Say how you feel at the right moment. Do as you say. And avoid mind games. Mind games can be manipulative and harmful to relationships.

11. Nurture personal growth

As you reconnect, take some time to focus on yourself to relieve some of the pressure of your relationship. Find time for yourself. Learn how to love yourself . Rediscover old hobbies or friends. Get treatment. Keep your promises to yourself. Treat your body right. eat well Move more often.

This will not be the same as reluctantly spending time with yourself, feeling like you are a victim of your circumstances. This time it will be different. It is a conscious effort to heal your bond with yourself and fill that painful void with love and compassion.

If you've been saying things like, “I'm losing feelings for my boyfriend, but I love him,” or “I love my girlfriend, but why do I feel emotionally distant?” Spending time with yourself in a positive way will give you room for reflection. can. . Perhaps all a relationship needs is perspective in space and time.

12. Restore trust

Loss of trust is often one of the most visible signs of a relationship in crisis and must be healed. We covered what broken trust looks like earlier in this article. Let’s look at some ways to restore broken trust in a relationship. Both people must:

• Resolve the cause. Broken trust . Wherever you are, you must take responsibility.
• If you have been unfaithful in your relationship, seek help through a therapist to overcome this problem.
• Keep your promise. Do what you say you will do.
• ask for what you need
• Give your partner what he or she needs
• Build new trust by creating new experiences

13. Seek professional guidance

Depending on where you are in your relationships and emotional health, these steps can be easy or overwhelming. If you are still wondering how to restore your relationship in a situation where your feelings for your partner are gradually disappearing, do not hesitate to consult a professional counselor.

A therapist can help identify problems and provide guidance. If you need help, here's a list from Bonobology. A panel of experienced counselors who can advise you on how to solve your relationship problems. You can access it for individual sessions or sessions with a partner.

gist

• It's normal to experience a decrease in passion in your relationship as you move out of the honeymoon phase. This should not be equated with loss of feelings in a relationship
• Over time, the loss of emotion in the relationship deepens as partners ignore red flags and the health of the bond takes a backseat.
• Lack of trust, feeling anxious in your partner's company, being uncomfortable with intimacy, and having an insensitive or "I don't care anymore" attitude are signs that your relationship is in crisis.
• To address this emotional detachment, take a step back, reflect, and seek the support of friends and professionals for the objectivity you need.
• Talk to your partner, revisit old memories, commit to open communication, practice gratitude and appreciation, and get the mind game spark back.

Mega acknowledges that our advice is easier said than done. “It takes more work than you realize. Because when you're angry at someone, or worse, feel like they don't care, you really don't want to plan a picnic with that person or thank them for folding your laundry. " She says. Moreover, most of this advice only works if your partner acknowledges your feelings and agrees to work with you.

But you've already taken the first step, and it sounds like you're worried about the loss of emotion in your relationship, so hold on just a little tighter, just a little longer. Only after you give it a try will you know whether the relationship is worth saving or whether you should be prepared to let it go. Take a leap of faith with us today.