How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect you or your feelings
“You may not be able to change everyone around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around. Life is too short to waste time on people who don’t respect, appreciate or value you.” Author Roy T. Bennett says in his inspiring book: light of heart . And we couldn't agree more. If you're constantly complaining that "my husband doesn't respect me or my feelings," we don't want to break it. It's one of the main signs of an unhealthy relationship. And maybe we need to break our silence and fight back. As you know, respect is the backbone of a healthy relationship, and without it, a marriage cannot last long term.
If you want to have a successful marriage, you need to find a way to make your husband realize that you deserve respect in the relationship. In this article, we'll look at the signs of a rude husband and find ways to deal with him, based on insights from a counseling psychologist. Nisimin Marshall , SAATH: Former director of the Suicide Prevention Center and consultant to the BM Institute of Mental Health. So, if you are wondering how to gain respect from your husband in a toxic relationship/marriage, read on.
The importance of respect in relationships
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Are you thinking, “My husband is rude to me and kind to others”? Well, many women are probably in the same boat. They feel unheard, unseen and terribly disrespected by their partner. This may cause a person to question their position in the relationship. Why is that? To find the answer, you must first understand how important respect is in a relationship.
"His body language and the way he communicates with you both publicly and privately is a big indicator. In my case, a husband left his wife because her illness had darkened her skin tone. In another case, a husband wanted his wife to lose weight after pregnancy. I left because I was steaming and no longer attracted to my wife,” she says.
What should you do if your husband claims to love you, but you feel disrespected in everything he does? What's next? Reddit user talks about his experience dealing with both love and respect. “Love is unconditional. Essentially, for most humans, this means forgiving and accepting our partner's flaws. But unconditional love can actually only exist between a parent and a child…
He added: “Respect is simply showing someone verbally or visually that you have respect for them. You understand their boundaries and push them beyond them. It's not like it's not. I'd say it's respect at the expense of what you most want to hear. We humans cannot stand being ignored. By being passive-aggressive, we'll get back at you and get rid of other annoying things, and ultimately, the relationship will end sooner.”
Here are a few more reasons: Respect is important in relationships :
- This boosts their confidence and makes them excel in their personal and professional lives.
- Only when you respect your partner will they respect you.
- Respect also makes a person better able to listen and communicate with their partner.
- Respecting your partner's feelings, likes, and dislikes brings honesty to the relationship because they aren't afraid to share what they really think.
Well, we can clearly see that respect is as important as love in any romantic equation. Some might say that there is no love without respect. If you constantly belittle, ridicule, and make belittling remarks to your spouse or partner, how much ‘love’ can repair the damage? So if you complain that “my husband doesn’t respect me or my feelings,” now may be a good time to consider taking action.
How do you know if your husband doesn't respect you? 11 signs
Before we understand how to gain respect from your husband, let’s look at some of the salient signs that your husband is ignoring you. Are you confused about how to identify the signs of a rude husband? Nishmin “Signs of a lack of respect in a relationship are easy to identify. This is when your partner doesn't stand up for you or makes you feel bad in front of others. “Physical or emotional abuse, abusive language, lack of interest in your feelings or opinions, infidelity, and constant comparisons to others are all signs that your husband does not respect you.”
As you can see, the signs are not so subtle. If you say to yourself, “My husband doesn’t respect me or my feelings,” that in itself is a major sign that you need to stand up and stand up to the disrespect and abuse.
Nishmin adds: “His body language and the way he communicates with you both publicly and privately are big indicators. One of the cases I came across was where her husband left his wife because her skin color had darkened due to an illness. There was no respect in the marriage and the situation worsened with each passing day until her wife reached out for help. In another case, a husband left his wife because she had gained weight after pregnancy and was no longer attracted to her.”
As you can see, rude behavior in marriage can take many forms. We've collected 11 signs of a rude husband that signal your marriage may be in trouble.
1. He ignores your boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is key to a successful relationship. This also shows that the partners respect each other's choices and personal space. One of the signs of rudeness in a man is that he ignores or violates your boundaries. This can manifest itself in a variety of toxic behaviors, including:
- Borrow money and not pay it back
- Fighting in a rude or abusive manner
- Invading personal space. For example, going into your home workspace and playing loud music.
- Not respecting sexual boundaries
2. He doesn’t celebrate your success
Marriage is an equal partnership in which both spouses celebrate each other's achievements and overcome failures together. But if you're wondering why your husband doesn't acknowledge your feelings and accomplishments or makes fun of your professional accomplishments or other milestones, there may be a problem. If he makes you feel inferior, ignores you, or projects his own flaws and negativity onto you, these are classic signs of being rude or dismissive. Losing respect in marriage .
Nishmin explains: “Such a husband may not even consider whether her partner can achieve something and may forget to acknowledge her success. A certain superiority complex comes into play, mainly due to the patriarchal conditions that exist in society. Many men cannot accept the fact that their wives make more money, are more capable, and are more successful than they do. They may ridicule or insult them publicly or privately, or they may become intrusive and make their lives difficult.”
3. Make derogatory remarks
If you want to know if your husband respects you, observe the way he speaks during arguments. Watch out for signs of a lack of respect in your relationship.
- Derogatory comments that ridicule your achievements, intelligence, career goals, interests, opinions, or personality
- verbal abuse
- a harmful joke
- Threat
- sarcastic comment
- Ignoring or invalidating the feelings of dismissive comments , saying “I’m just kidding” after making an insulting comment, etc.
4. Your husband doesn’t discuss important decisions with you.
Does your husband ignore your input when making important decisions? If so, he probably doesn't care about you at all. Relationships are teamwork. If he's only interested in forcing his decision on you, we hate forcing that decision on you. That person doesn't respect you .
Nishmin explains: “The patriarchal mindset that most of us have grown up with comes into play in such cases. It is taken for granted that you are not fully informed or knowledgeable, which is why your opinion does not matter. Your husband may think that because he is the head of the household, he has the right to decide matters concerning you whenever he wants.”
5. He ignores your opinion
Does your partner ignore you or not respond when you talk? Does that person interrupt you during a conversation? If the answer is yes, it is clear that your husband does not respect your opinion. The ideal husband respects her partner and makes her feel safe and secure, but in this case, he may just be ignoring you.
6. He stonewalls you
Building a stone wall is a noticeable sign that a husband does not respect his wife. Now, stonewalling a relationship , or blocking all communication as a means to manipulate you into doing what he wants, is also an important narcissistic trait. His behavior may make you wonder why he kicked you out, and you can't help but think, 'My husband doesn't respect me or my feelings.'
A Reddit user shares a similar ordeal about her partner. “...after an argument he gets very angry and stonewalls me...sometimes it takes days, weeks. I tried apologizing, being nice and loving, crying, begging for everything. “He doesn’t budge and continues to ignore me.”
Related Reading: Why is my husband ignoring me so much? 10 Reasons and Tips to Avoid
7. He flirts in public.
One of the clear signs that your husband is ignoring you is when he shamelessly flirts with other women. Of course, that's assuming she's not in an open marriage or in a consensual polyamorous relationship. One of my friends, Sasha, also faced a similar problem with her husband. Sasha's affable and charming husband, Daniel, did not miss the opportunity. Flirt with other women at any social event.
Sasha would often complain, “My husband is rude to me and kind to everyone else.” He was so rude to Sasha that he openly flirted with her friends, even at house parties. This caused a major rift in their relationship, and they soon broke up. In telling her own story, she often says that “her husband destroyed me emotionally,” but she is also grateful that she was able to quit her marriage before it completely destroyed her.
8. He doesn't help you
Are you going through life's challenges alone? Do you get no help from your husband with household chores or other household chores? Well, if you find that guy ignoring you when you need his help the most, that's a clear sign of rudeness.
My co-worker Trish had a similar problem. Her husband ignored her when she needed her help most. She often said to me: “Her husband does not respect me or my feelings. He doesn't even help with basic things like the kids' homework or his parents' medical needs. “I feel like I am alone in my married life.”
9. He gossips about you
Another sure sign that your husband doesn't respect you at all is if he blatantly gossips about you with other people - family, friends, co-workers, etc. Excessive gossiping is a toxic trait , doubly so if your spouse is engaged anyway. By doing so he:
- Expose private conversations
- Let others know about your personal shortcomings.
- Disclose sensitive information such as financial status or sexual history.
10. He lies to you often.
I'm not saying that a few white lies here and there mean your husband ignores you. For example, he might lie about the dress you wore to the office party and tell you how beautiful you were. In fact, the dress may have been somewhat ill-fitting. This is probably a lie he told to avoid hurting you.
However, if your husband lies about important matters such as financial savings and investments, major expenses, and job relocations, this is a red flag and indicator that he does not respect you.
11. He is rude to friends, family, and acquaintances.
If your husband expects you to please his family, friends, and co-workers but doesn't put the same effort into your relationship, he clearly doesn't respect you. So in this case you can find him.
- Not making time to attend social events hosted by family
- Not attending a house party planned for a friend
- Behaving rudely toward colleagues at official events
How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect you or your feelings?
Mutual respect is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship or marriage. Now, if the foundation itself begins to shake, the marriage is bound to fall apart . If she feels like she's walking on eggshells when she's with her husband, it's time for her to reconsider her marriage or learn how to avoid a rude husband.
After all, you can't always be the one to hold space for his feelings, give him everything he needs, and make all the effort while he continues to ignore you. So, are you wondering what to do when you feel disrespected in your relationship? Here are 7 ways to deal with a rude husband:
1. Respect yourself first
This is the most important step when you find yourself complaining, “My husband doesn’t respect me or my feelings.” Nishmin says: “Always remember that if you want respect, you must first respect yourself. Only when you respect yourself and your boundaries will your husband take the hint and mend his ways. He will know how to behave with you and what lines cannot be crossed.”
Here's what you can do when he says something rude:
- Put your foot down and defend yourself
- Confront rude behavior with firm words like “I expect better behavior from you” or “This is no way to talk to someone you love.”
- Set boundaries and let them know what is acceptable and what is not.
- Make it clear to him the consequences if he ignores or violates your boundaries.
The idea is to stop him treating you like a doormat. He must realize your worth and not take you for granted. Nishmin explains: “Don’t put her husband on a pedestal. Learn to say no to things you don't want to do. It's hard to put your foot down and demand the respect you deserve. But this is a step you must take to maintain your dignity. “Remember that marriage is supposed to be a safe space, not us walking on eggshells.” This is what to do when you feel disrespected in a relationship.
2. Understand where your husband's rudeness comes from.
If you often complain that “my husband doesn’t respect me or my feelings,” it may be time to pay attention to why. Nishmin says: “It could be a result of a patriarchal/misogynistic mindset, his past experiences, or his view of himself. Relationship dynamics . "
Here are some reasons why husbands ignore their spouses:
- socio-economic inequality between the two
- his sexist personality
- Anxiety due to past trauma
So, an important piece of advice on how to deal with a rude husband is to dig deep into your husband's behavior and find out the root causes that are causing his behavior.
3. Communicate your feelings to him
Instead of saying to yourself, “My husband is rude to me and kind to everyone else,” communicate and tell your husband how you feel every time he insults you, says Nishmin. Clear communication is key to conflict resolution in healthy relationships. Don't make assumptions and don't give him the chance to make assumptions. Tell him what you're going through. Sometimes a husband may feel that rude behavior is just a playful joke or his 'right' as head of the household. Once he understands your perspective, he may try to change his ways.”
While doing this, keep a few things in mind:
- Whenever your husband is rude to you, be honest about how insulted you feel.
- Be careful not to make disparaging comments such as “You always do this” or “You always insult me.”
- Don't engage in the blame game. Use “I” instead. For example, “This is how I feel when my opinions are ignored.” Or, “It makes me feel rude to hear this type of language used against me during a fight.”
- don't abuse that person
4. Watch your behavior
Before you blatantly complain about your husband's rude behavior, saying, "He destroyed me emotionally," take a step back and pay attention to yourself. Has he lost respect for you because you did something terrible to him, hurt him, or judged him in some way? Ask yourself these questions and start addressing your flaws.
- Do you insult or publicly ridicule that person in any way?
- Do you ignore his advice or opinions?
- Do you abuse him or call him names?
If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then the first thing you need to do is improve your own behavior.
5. Don’t internalize rudeness
One way to deal with situations where your husband is rude is to not internalize the rudeness. “It hurts when your husband doesn’t respect you or your feelings,” Nishmin said. It also hurts when he doesn't acknowledge your abilities and achievements. But you have to realize that you have your own life. Learn to not be influenced by your husband's words and thoughts. Put yourself first. Don’t give so much of yourself to your husband that he forgets who he is and how he deserves to be treated.”
Try to remind yourself of your worth. Instead of complaining, say something like, “My husband destroyed me emotionally or made me do a lot of work. Emotional Wounds ”, spend time doing things you enjoy and rebuild your self-esteem. Here are some tips on how to deal with a rude husband by distracting him and taking care of himself:
- Keep a journal where you can rewind and record your thoughts every day.
- Reach out to your loved ones, such as friends and family, and share your ordeal with them.
- Take up a hobby that helps you rejuvenate, such as painting or gardening.
- Invest in self-care activities and focus on your well-being, whether it's grooming or splurging on your clothes or spending time in nature.
6. Seek professional help to deal with a rude husband.
If your husband is getting out of control or being rude to the point that it's making things worse, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Talking to a therapist or marriage counselor can help you both see things from a new perspective, which will help you understand each other better. This is very important if you are trying to figure out how to deal with a rude husband in a healthy way and protect yourself. Mental health .
Nishmin explains: “Couples therapy can help address issues of lack of respect in a marriage. A marriage counselor will use a variety of techniques and exercises, look at things from an unbiased perspective, and help you navigate the problem of a husband not respecting his wife.” If you are in a similar situation and are constantly complaining, “My husband is destroying me emotionally” and are looking for help, please feel free to contact me. Bonobology’s consultation service is available with just one click.
7. If something is too much for you to handle, walk away.
If a husband does not respect his wife, it can become a difficult situation to handle in a marriage. Don't hesitate to run away from your rude husband. Insulting your spouse is a form of abuse. You never have to tolerate abuse to make your marriage successful.
“There is a limit to the rudeness you can tolerate,” Nishmin said. If your husband is so rude that he's not ready to see the real you and constantly mocks and insults you, is it really worth the effort? Save your marriage ? "
gist
The basic idea of partnership is not only to love someone, but also to acknowledge their feelings and accept them for who they are. If your partner doesn't respect your individuality, the partnership will fall apart. Always remember that mutual respect is very important to achieve success in marriage. So, the moment you notice signs of a lack of respect in your relationship, don't sit back and brood. Take action or step away. I hope the above advice will help you re-establish respect in your marriage.
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